In one moment my world exhaled. I traveled to a place where time pauses. A place where reason has no bearing. Where words don’t work. Where eyes burn and shivers run up my spine. Where my heart breaks with empathy.

But the world can’t hold it’s breath forever. Time will begin again.

I don’t want to move on yet. It is still time to reflect. A life lived. A life loved. A life not to be forgotten. And when the world inhales again, I hope I am capable of carrying even a small part of the flame that was your life, and can pass that light forward.

Wonder more. See more. Love more. Sarah is in all of us.

I made a short mixtape for the rainy summer Vancouver is having. Download here: http://www.mediafire.com/?mlsdllo5tr6dvpt

Tracklisting:

Staple Singers – Hammer and Nails

Corinna – Taj mahal

City of Electric Light – Chad VanGaalen

Ronald Regan Era – Kendrick Lamar

2Pac – If I Die 2Night

Dear Prudence – The Beatles

I’m afraid to die. I have been afraid my whole life. The fear is the same at 29 as it was at 10. Waves of anxiety wash over my body, my chest tightens up and my breathing gets fast. I’m instantly paralyzed. The only coping mechanism I’ve developed is to think of something else, to avoid dealing with the anxiety. If I face it straight on it just gets worse. I want to grasp the minutes and hold on, but it’s impossible. Every moment feels fleeting.

I always thought that I’d grow out of this, that it’s something I’d come to terms with, but that’s clearly not an option. This anxiety is a carry-on bag that’s barely fits in the overhead bin, yet i don’t know what it contains. If I die with this fear, it will be the most beautiful irony of my life. I will be forced to step across death’s threshold with a bag I could never open.

Most people prefer to brush off my anxiety. It’s more comfortable to label it as a childish complex. Dismissals come from those who haven’t been touched by the other side of the abyss. It could have been me, it would be more childish to brush it off.

Carrying this baggage is part of what has made me. It made me thirst for knowledge, crave deep friendship and connection, despise being idle. It makes me live. That which gives, also takes away.